Strider
by FrozenFox
Summary: Strider is Aragorn's mentally impaired twin. Strider is always used for Aragorns hard tasks. Strider kills Aragorn and Chaos follows NEW CHAPTER UP
1. Strider!

Chapter One  
Strider sat in the corner of the Prancing Pony, waiting for the four (queer) hobbits to come through the door. It was originally Aragorn's job, but he was on a hot date with Arwen. Strider and Aragorn were twins. None in Middle-earth save themselves and Elrond know about Strider and none could tell them apart if they did. Even Elrond or Arwen couldn't, so, naturally, Aragorn used Strider to get out of many tasks that interfered with his love life. Aragorn was born one minute before Strider so Aragorn, not Strider, was Isildur's heir. Strider pulled out his pipe, already filled with leaf, and lit it.  
"Who wants to bet the Halflings won't even come?" he grumbled while blowing the smoke out in a steady stream. "Who wants to bet." He was cut off by the distant sound of a Nazgûl scream and sighed. "I guess the Ringbearer is coming after all," he said as he pulled his hood even farther down over his head so the pipe would light up his eyes and look really dramatic. Strider was always a drama king.  
He didn't have to wait long before four hobbits, or halflings or whatever you want to call them, came through the door.  
"Let's see, do I sit here and smoke or go get the halflings right away? Hmmm." he thought sarcastically. "I wonder...smoke wins!" And he settled back down into his corner and stared at the shiny golden Ring that he could've sworn had told him itself to stare at it.  
"Ooohhh! Pretty color. I like rings. Aragorn has a ring, but it has snakes on it. I wish they would bite him." Strider rambled on and on, his eyes never leaving the Ring until the Ring and the hobbit who carried it disappeared entirely. Strider sat up straighter.  
"Hey! Where'd the pretty Ring go?" he whined. Then he heard another Nazgûl scream and he snapped out of his ring trance, well, actually his jewelry trance since he always acted like that around jewelry.  
"Alright," he instructed himself, "switch to Aragorn mode. Ready? Ok!!" And he ran up and grabbed the hobbit that had just reappeared in a circle of Men.  
"Ow! That hurts!" complained the hobbit. (This is obviously Frodo, but I had to put this here just so some orc could let that penetrate his skull.)(No offense to orcs) "What would Aragorn say? What would Aragorn say?" Strider whispered frantically to himself. "Uhhh.blah blah caution blah blah blah Mr. Underhill!" he hissed hurriedly at Frodo (or the hobbit). Frodo looked scared out of his mind. Strider saw that many people were staring and decided to drag the hobbit up to his room.  
"What do you want from me?" Frodo asked, trying to be brave. "Sam and I were cautious, we."  
"What I want is more caution from you about.ow!" Strider tried to put out a candle with his fingers. "That really pretty.ouch!!" He tried again and only succeeded in burning himself. ".golden ringy thingy that you carry. Ahhhh!!" he screamed, clutching his two severely burnt fingers while hopping about in a circle. Soon the hopping became so violent that Strider banged into the candles, lighting his clothes on fire. "YEEOOOWWWW!!!!!" Strider screamed like a woman. If it hadn't been for the fact that so much rain pounded on the roof that the roof caved in and stopped the fire, the whole Prancing Pony would have burned to a crisp and the story would end right here. Of course, the roof did cave and the fire was put out and le dee da.  
"Let's find another room, preferably one without candles!" said the cold, wet, fool of a Ranger as he grabbed Frodo's shoulder and stomped out of the room.  
"Okay, no candles!" Strider smiled. "So, do ya wanna start the conversation over? Without me screaming?"  
"Uh, sure. Whatever," was the reply. "Um, what do you want from me?"  
"Money?" asked Strider.  
"You were supposed to say 'More caution from you about that pretty golden ringy thing that you carry'. Duh," said Frodo, rolling his eyes.  
"Right, um, what was that again?"  
"Never mind. Hey, uh, what's your name? Can I leave?"  
"No, I'm supposed to take you to, wait, I'm not supposed to tell you until we're on the way."  
"I'm leaving."  
"Wait!"  
"Why?"  
"Because."  
"Unless you talk to me about what's going on, I'm outta here!"  
"Ok! Are you frightened?" That threw Frodo off.  
"Uh, yes, you do scare me." Strider smiled at Frodo's remark.  
"Not nearly frightened enough!" He was about to do his evil laugh when three hobbits burst through the door. Strider screamed like a woman...again.  
"Let Mr. Frodo go or I'll have you, Longshanks!" said that fat one, Sam.  
"Oh my God! You scared the crap out of me! You're brave, I'm not." said Strider, trying to regain his breath as Sam put down his fists and ran to hug Frodo. Strider pulled them apart.  
"Two men do not hug each other," he instructed.  
"I wouldn't be surprised if Sam turned out to be a girl," whispered a voice that he could come to learn as Merry's.  
"I know what you mean, he won't change anywhere near us," said the pleasant Scottish accented Pippin.  
"That's what Frodo meant when he said he and Sam were cautious," murmured Strider to himself. He shuddered. "Ewwwww. That's nasty!" He decided to address the whole group.  
"Ok, I'm still going to skip all the long and wise words and just say that we should leave the Prancing Pony 'cause the Nazgûl are coming for you. Just don't ask questions."  
"But I wasn't some more beer," complained Merry. "Pippin got 1 ½ pints and I only got one!"  
"Ok, I'll but you one on the way out!" said Sam. Merry's eyes widened and he shook his head.  
"That won't be necessary," he said hurriedly as he followed Strider out of the room.  
  
* * *  
The four hobbits an dour mentally impaired friend, Strider, sat in a room across the street watching the Nazgûl stab pillows to death.  
"What do they have against pillows?" asked the woozily drunk Pippin. He also had gotten a second drink on the way out, increasing his count to 2 ½. Merry had gotten mad at that and even took up Sam's offer. (He was broke.)  
"Yeah," hiccuped Merry, "Why do they try and kill willows? I mean, pillows."  
Strider couldn't understand a word they said. Their words were too slurred to distinguish.  
"You can share my pillow if you'd like," offered Sam hopefully. That sobered up Merry and Pippin right away.  
"No!!!" they screamed and ran around the room like idiots. Well, the are idiots, so excuse them.  
"I'll share your pillow, Sam," said Frodo tenderly.  
"No!!" yelled Strider. "There will be no pillow sharing here! Not while I'm here, anyways."  
"Who else beside you would be here?" asked Pippin thoughtfully.  
"Ara-" he started. A thought came to his mind. The hobbit's didn't know about Aragoen and since no one in Middle-earth could tell them apart. "Nobody. Nobody else who looks like me will lead you." He gave the hobbits an evil grim and laughed. "Mwahahahaha!"  
"Must be high," Merry concluded.  
"No way!" countered Strider, "I only had a fifteen minute smoke. I'm just happy"  
"Why?" asked Pippin simply. He was becoming quite a nuisance.  
"Uh, um , well, you see." Strider stammered. He avoided Pippins gaze and it landed on.  
"Frodo, Sam! What did I tell you about pillow" he paused, letting what was happening sink in. "Oh gross! You guys are sick" He then started to dance around the room, wringing his hands and chanting: Ew Gross Yuck Sick , over and over.  
"You still haven't answered my question." Said Pippin, getting impatient.  
"If you haven't noticed," replied Strider, "I don't plan to. You see, it's one of those really uncomfortable questions that you really need an excuse not to answer. Sam and Frodo were my excuse. Wow, that's a lot of words!" For a while, all five just sat in the room. Frodo and Sam were doing, uh, stuff, Merry and Pippin were taking pictures of them and Strider continued his Ew Gross Yuck Sick chant. After a while, they all got bored and started following Strider to Rivendell. 


	2. More pillows, breakfast, and rivalries

A/N sorry about the spacing, my computer hates me. Well so does everyone else in this world so what else is new? Disclaimer :I don't own anything. Well except Strider. Sort of. Well I own his personality, not his name. Or maybe I do own him. I'm confused.  
  
A/N sorry about the spacing, my computer hates me. Well so does everyone else in this world so what else is new?  
  
A/N For all those who hated the Sam/Frodo thing, its NOT slash. That's fixed in this chapter.  
  
Chapter Two  
Strider sat down next to a tree, finger puppets in hand. Making sure he was alone, he slipped them on his two pointer fingers. He cleared his throat,  
"Now starting the number one finger puppet show of all time, Strider vs. Aragorn!" he said in his announcer voice.  
"Now presenting..Strider! Yeah! Go Strider! You rule!" he cheered, mimicking a crowd of people. "And now, Aragorn! Boooooooooo! We Hate Aragorn! Someone call the zoo, we found their lost monkey! Boooooooooo!" Strider smiled to himself. "See," he said in an unnaturally squeaky voice and moving his right pointer finger at the same time. "The crowd loves me already!" "Whaaaaa!" he cried, moving his left pointer finger this time. (Just so you know, Strider is pretending that his right pointer finger is himself and Aragorn is his left pointer finger. The fingers are performing a scene where Strider kills Aragorn. He does this often. Back to the story.)  
"Not fair, Mommy said I was the best!" the left, and somewhat weaker finger, moved and seemed to be complaining to the right. "Your mother made a mistake. I was supposed to be the best, she just couldn't tell us apart." " But," " No time for buts, I will now kill you!" "Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo Ahhhhhhh!" Strider screamed. By this time you should know he screams like a women. Sam had just tapped Strider on the shoulder. Sam looked around the woods and saw tons of discarded finger puppets lying in a box next to them.  
"Who makes all these?" he asked.  
"I do!" said Strider defensively. "And I use them three times a day!"  
" You need to get yourself a girl, mate." Sam sat down next to Strider. "I can help you there." Strider moved away from Sam.  
"You know, Sam isn't short for Samwise, it's short for Samantha." Strider looked down at his finger puppets again. "What does Aragorn do when Sam is short for Samantha?" he asked frantically. His left finger moved. " Run!!!!!!!!" as he proceeded to do just that.  
* * *  
The five creatures walked cross country. Strider led, followed by Frodo and the Ring, then Merry, Pippin and Sam with Bill the pony. Even Bill seemed to be very cautious of Sam. Meanwhile, Pippin was complaining about not having enough food.  
" That's so human-like, not to stop for breakfast." He whined. That confused the already messed up Strider.  
"You already had it." He stated plainly, clearly not understanding a hobbits need for food.  
"We've had one, yes," he countered, "What about second breakfast?"  
" Oh, second breakfast." Strider repeated dumbly, still not getting it.  
"You stop and have the second breakfast for the day." explained Merry. Normally Strider wouldn't of listened to them but the idea of stopping.  
"Sounds great!" said Strider cheerfully, "Food and .Pillows! I told you not to bring your pillows Sam!" he leapt up, jumped in a mud puddle, and ran to stamp on the pillow Sam had just unpacked.  
"Clearly the Nazgul aren't the only Middle-Earthlings to have something against pillows." Merry whispered to Pippin. All four hobbits watched silently as Strider stomped around like the mad man he is, chanting something that sounded like "Evil hobbits on evil pillows with evil Samantha. Destroy pillows, destroy evil pillows. DESTROY EVIL OWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Strider had hit himself on the head with the hilt of his sword. "Stupid sw..wait a minute," and he drew his sword and promptly began stabbing the pillow to death. The sword was swung so wildly about that the hobbits had to give him a twelve foot clearance.  
" Curse the pillow. Curse it and all hobbits named Samantha!" Strider huffed as feathers flew in the air. "Die die die die!" he drew breath heavily as he stepped out of the mess that used to be a pillow. He stared at the hobbits. The hobbits stared back.  
"Please walk ahead of us." said Pippin, wishing he had never asked for second breakfast.  
"Yes," added Merry, "Very far ahead.please." He added hurriedly, praying he would not become the next pillow. So Strider did as they asked and walk very far ahead. So far ahead that he lost them as he entered the forest.  
That wasn't very Aragorn-like," Strider scolded himself, "After all, I am Aragorn now. I, not my evil twin, will be King of Gondor. Mwahahahahaha!!!"  
"What do you mean?" asked a voice identical to Strider's. It was Aragorn.  
"What are you doing here, Ear of Corn?" Strider had always called him that ever since he found out Aragorn was allergic to corn. Upon hearing the insult, Aragorn's face was contorted with fury.  
"Don't you dare call me that!" he glared at Strider for a moment before regaining his cool.  
"I am here because Arwen just left. Something about Ringwraiths or, as intelligent people call them, Nazgul."  
"Ohhhh," squealed Strider, "I call them Nazgul. I'm intelligent!"  
"Really," said Aragorn mockingly, checking his nails, "In what ways?"  
"I'm intelligent with a sword." These words were a harsh insult to Aragorn. He knew his twin was the best swordsmen in all Middle Earth. Aragorn stepped forward with unshielded hate in his eyes.  
"Prove it!" he hissed, he voice cold as ice.  
"Okee dokee!" said Strider brightly as he unsheathed his sword, swung it about and let Aragorn's severed head fall to the ground. The face had a look of surprise written on it, as though Aragorn didn't see it coming. The mouth hung open, blood trickling out of the left side, The eye seemed to move for a moment, then stopped. As Strider looked upon the dead body and head, the realization of what he had done sunk in. Strider's face lit up.  
"He told me to proves it and proves it I did!" he sang happily, dancing around the trees.  
"Strider, Strider is FREEE!!!!!!!!" He screamed so loud that the extremely lost hobbits easily found him. As he heard them approaching, he shoved the corpse under a bush but not before sticking his tongue out at his twin for the last time.  
  
Replies to Reviews Thorn-Silvermoon: I think so too! Mystic Catface: Thx! Its always nice to have someone like your work! 


	3. The Funky Chicken and so called swords

A/N sorry I haven't updated, I've had so much homework! Oh, who am I kidding, I've just been lazy. Sorry y'all. No! no southern accents. Ohhhh, accents. I like accents. British and Spanish and Scottish...  
  
Disclaimer: scene: a short, skinny, blonde girl with an evil smile is holding two copper wires. These wires are connected to various equipment stationed all around the room. It rather looks like a mad scientist's lab. Her grin widens as she is about to attach the wires. "At last my plan is complete!" She attaches the wires and the room buzzes. A huge flash of light and a sonic boom follows. As the light fades and the dust settles, we see that everything in the room has been destroyed. The girl walks over to the broken mirror lying in the corner. Looking in, she says "Nope, still not JRR Tolkien." ( I know its lame but the point is PLEASE don't sue!)  
  
Chapter Three  
The hobbits found Strider easily enough and they were off again. Hoping they were going in the right direction, Strider led them onward while congratulating himself on the kill. One might wonder why he had never thought of actually killing him before. Suddenly, a huge mushroom shaped rock came into view. Strider let out a sigh of relief. This landmark he always remembered was on the way to Rivendell. It was there that Aragorn had tried to kick Strider, missed, and broke his toe by accidentally hitting it against a statue. Strider giggled at the memory.  
"Hey," shouted Pippin, bringing Strider back into reality. "That looks like a mushroom! I like mushrooms. Can we stop there and eat some, Strider? Please?" Pippin gave him his best Orlando Bloom- I mean puppy dog face and Strider resented.  
"OK, if you insist. I don't think we have any mushrooms, though."  
"Let's see," said Merry, digging through his stash of food, "We have tomatoes, sausages and nice crispy bacon. Well, the bacon's not crispy at the moment, but it will be. Sorry Pip, no mushrooms to be found."  
"That's okay," he shrugged, "bacon will do." And he promptly started to dance the Funky Chicken. Strider did not appreciate that.  
"Okay, even I'm not that weird." He said. Frodo (Yes, he is alive, I haven't forgotten about him) widened his eyes in disbelief.  
"What do you mean?" he asked "Everyone here is odd in some way. Merry and Pippin are loopy. Stark raving mad they are. You're completely messed up in the brain department, I stroke the Ring at night, Bill just came with us if you know what I mean and Sam," he paused to look tenderly over in Sam's direction "Well, Sam's the exception, she's perfect."  
"No way!" shouted Strider, "Samantha is not perfect! She's supposed to be a GUY!!"  
"What!" screamed the surprised Frodo, his bright blue eyes opened wide "I didn't know that! Oy Sam, I hate you! I never want to see you again! There, now that's over with" said Frodo contently. Strider looked at the smiling Frodo, sulking Sam and dancing Pippin and Merry (Merry had joined in while Frodo dumped Sam) and decided that Frodo was right, this bunch was loopy. He also decided that he should lead them up to the top of Mushroom hill (Weathertop) and then go to properly decapitate and bury Aragorn.  
"FREEZE!!!!" Strider looked at the four hobbits, two of which were in the middle of shaking their booty. He giggled.  
"Okay, now go up to the little cave like thing on the side of the hilly thingy that looks like a mushroom, eat you're greasy, fatty and soon to be burnt food and wait for me there. Whatever happens, don't leave! Got that? Don't leave!!" He stared at the hobbits. They stared back. "Oh yeah, you don't have to freeze anymore." And with that, he left.  
* * *  
After returning to the scene of the murder, chopping Aragorn up into small, bloody* pieces, and burying all of them together and accidentally leaving the nose sticking up out of the ground, Strider started on the long journey back to the food, I mean the hobbits. For some randomly odd reason, Strider decided to run the whole way. As the Weathertop came into view, (Yes, I know that Strider and his companions call it Mushroom hill but us intelligent people, its Weathertop. Yeah, I'm intwelligant!) a scream of a Nazgul reached his ears.  
"Oh, I told them not to leave the little cavey thingy, so the Nazgul won't find them." Boy was he wrong. He slowed his pace, getting tired from all the running he had been doing. At about a mile away, he heard another Nazgul cry and Sam shouting "Mr. Frodo!" Strider rolled his eyes.  
"I told them not to leave!" he said under his breath. Actually, he was having trouble breathing. I mean, you probably would too if you had ran all the way to Weathertop from some random forest for no apparent reason.  
"C-c-can't breath!" he said, "what did that little dwarf from the Lonely Mountain say? Oh yeah! Just keep breathing, just keep breathing, just keep breathing, breathing, breathing. Just keep breathing, just keep breathing, just keep OW!" Strider had been concentrating on breathing so much that he ran right past the entrance to the top of the hill and slammed into the solid rock next to it. Strider fell down, dropping his sword that he had drawn on his way there. He sat there, a confused look on his face. He looked around.  
"Where am I? Who am I?" Suddenly, Sam shouted again and it halfway broke Strider out of his daze. "I think I'm supposed to be defending the person that yelled." He said. So he grabbed what he thought was his sword and ran up the passage to meet the Nazgul head on.  
  
What will happen to Strider? Find out when I have more time to type. Now I'm going to bed 'cause my moms making me. Sorry that this took so long. Well, it's not like anyone's reading this anyway. If you are, you're not reviewing!!! Its okay,*sob*, you don't have too. Hey, if I give you the Orli pouty face will you review. Well, it won't be the same coming from me. I wish Orli would give me his pouty face. sigh 


	4. The End

I'm BAAACK. And done, as it were. I'm switching my pen name so, you might not be able to find this, not like it matters cause its DONE! So I just ended it cause I was lazy, but oh well. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

"Where am I? Who am I?" Suddenly, Sam shouted again and it halfway broke Strider out of his daze. "I think I'm supposed to be defending the person that yelled." He said. So he grabbed what he thought was his sword and ran up the passage to meet the Nazgul head on. Or more like shoulder on as it were. His vision was blurry because of his fall and that made him run into the passage walls _which _caused him to loose even more eyesight, resulting into him stumbling onto the top of weathertop (haha the _top _of weather_top._ I'm sorry, I'm easily amused.) very unprepared. He ran, or more like fell, at the Nazgul. They screamed and moved out of his way and Strider ended up tripping and catching his sword on fire. Of course, it wasn't really his sword; it was a tree branch with an end the width of the swords hilt.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! I'm on fire, **_I'm on fire!!! MUMMY_**" he wailed, flailing his torch around in the air. Strider whirled about so much he ended up hitting two of the Nazgul before realizing three things. One, he wasn't on fire two, hitting the Nazgul with the torch made them run away and three, his mummy was dead and had been for a long time.

"I miss mummy," he sobbed and started to throw a temper tantrum. "Why can't she be HERE? It's all Aragorn's fault!" Strider was throwing his arms around so violently that he had hit all but one of the Ringwraiths with the flaming torch. He continued his rampage, unaware of any stray rocks that might have been in his path.

"Stupid **stupid** **_stupid_** **_STU_**AHHHHHH!!" While jumping up and down in his rage, Strider had tripped over a stone. As he fell, he hit his head on stone and died intently. The last Nazgul regained the ring and brought it to Sauron, the dark lord, who laughed insanely while destroying all of middle earth.

"And that," concluded Mrs. VanKeller "Is an example of fan fiction. It uses the same characters and setting owned by J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Trilogy but the plot, as you have probably figured out, is completely different. Cheap writers use this genre because they are too stupid to think of anything but the plot. Even though the genre is a rip off, I still want you to write your own fan fiction story based on any book of your choice. It will be due in three days." The class groaned.

Don't worry, I don't think fanfic writers are crap (I am one). But my English teacher last year did...

Hope you liked it! points eagerly to the review button Pretty please with sugar on top and a cherry??!!??

P.S.-I'm currently writing a new Harry Potter fanfic: Ron's Story: The Life of a Terrorized Weasley. hint hint


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